Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse… So, this is my third day at the agency, and I’ve already gotten pranked. Bob told me that we had a professional development meeting on Saturdays. Turns out I made the hour long commute to the office for nothing, because it was empty. I took a look at the quarterly reports today, and if this is how they treat new recruits I can see how the turnover rate is so terrible. If you’re gonna prank someone, at least make it good.
So I decided to teach them a thing or two about pranks. I replaced all of the pens at each desk with exploding ink pens. Then I hacked the work laptops remotely from the office servers. As soon as the pens explode, hopefully splattering everyone with ink, the webcams are going to automatically take a photo and upload it to the office website.
My pettiness knows no bounds, so I decided to take it a step further. I removed all of the security footage of me walking into the building, and I replaced it with Bob’s likeness. It’s all part of my plan. When office culture starts breaking down, we’ll see how long these HR initiatives will last. Soon they’ll realize that the old ways of doing things in this business were put in place because they worked, and you can’t just come and change it all. Once Bob gets the blame, it will lead to a legal battle, draining much needed funds from the agency. During this year’s budgeting meeting, they’ll have no choice but to make huge cuts from the HR department. I think I like the office better when it’s empty.